zzzzzzZZZZZzzzzzz

Not sleeping at night is making me more and more irritable. And I can't figure out what's keeping me awake. And when I do fall asleep, I wake up later. I'm not drinking caffeine, and I'm actually not overstressed over anything for the first time in awhile. I don't know what it is.

Going green

I have bought my ticket to Australia! And I am very excited, I have roughly 10 days in Australia in March. Carmen said I will definitely get to feed the kangaroos and hold the koalas. All that good ole touristy stuff. I am so excited. Plus she's getting married the day before I leave, so that will be a lot of fun too. And all the guys will be there, which is always entertaining.

This weekend Dan and I went down to the columns. I didn't get out of the car. I hate it that I'm embarrassed that I'm weak. I need to get back into shape. I miss climbing so so much. I can't believe how much I love it. I feel like it's really mine ya know? I'm not doing it for anyone else, and yet I feel self-conscious when I suck. I think it's because rock climbers as a whole are damn judgmental. There are a lot of nice climbers out there, but a lot of incredibly snooty ones as well. Which isn't any different than in paragliding, which are the people I'm used to dealing with even though I don't fly.

It just sucks because in reading the rock climbing magazines I am both inspired and disheartened. People who get hurt and then have to climb with people "below them" are upset that the people they're with aren't climbing to a high level. An article also talked about how climbing is more than just about having fun and that the young climbers of today need to realize that. Funny huh? God forbid we have fun climbing. And just because you're 30 or 40 and climbing is/has become something different to you besides just having fun, does not mean that it's that way for everyone.

Oh well. People will always get up in arms about whatever they're going to get up in arms about. Although, it is slightly entertaining that Michael Reardon wants people to take more risks in climbing (which was definitely his style) and in paragliding the emphasis is on being safe. Hm. Just strikes me as interesting.

On another note. I am going to be healthier. I am determined to be healthier. I am going to go running today. I'm also going to stop drinking soda, (although I don't drink that much to begin with) and stop eating fast food (bleh, I hate it anyways, I don't know why I eat so much of it). I've also started recycling. Now all I have to do is cut down on the amount of TV I watch. My goodness.

Feminist Philosophy

For the first time I understand why people feel the way they do about feminism. I am taking a feminist philosophy class, which means that we're studying all the different types of feminism.

I am a bell hooks feminist. She's the first feminist I've read, and the one that strikes a chord with me. Because feminism is about compassion. It is intertwined with other forms of oppression. And it is a good thing. I do not believe that living in a lesbian separatist society is the answer. I'm not sure how cutting out the oppressor actually SOLVES the problem.

Grams died this morning.

and I said, that man has principles- The Castle

I can't stand on principle. I can't support someone or something because "I should" or because "that's what you do." I can't support my president(or any other person or idea) on principle.

Because principles are not things you do because it's what you're supposed to do. Principles don't stand on their own. I don't stand on principle. Principles stand on me, I uphold them, or they're non-existent.

I'd rather not

I'm not ready. How do you prepare for a loss? A loss you know is coming. I don't know how to let Grams go, to lose her forever. I don't know what to do, or how to remember someone. I don't know how to find that thing, the thing you're supposed to find in someone's life and incorporate it into your own. I don't know what that thing is.

I'm not ready.



Ingrid Michaelson:

The storm is coming but I don't mind.
People are dying, I close my blinds.

All that i know is I'm breathing now.

I want to change the world...instead I sleep.
I want to believe in more than you and me.

But all that I know is I'm breathing.
All i can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing now.

All that I know is I'm breathing.
All I can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing now.

All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing now.

a day in from the rain

Things that come in the mail:




I got a wonderful down jacket that is now keeping me incredibly warm. Not to mention, Moosejaw just makes you laugh.