Today I just sat against the wall of my mostly empty apartment and really felt alive for a little while. I had a killer headache, but I want to be all moved out so I went back for another load of stuff. Before I started actually doing anything I got a cup of juice and just sat against the wall and listened to John Mayer and really felt alive. Ya know, maybe that's why childhood and adolescence are so great, you really feel alive all the time. I don't think adulthood is supposed to be like this, but I think we just get tired and stop really paying attention, really feeling. And it's hard to just live too. At least in college (at least for me) there's issue after issue, more and more things to think about, care about, read about. There's just too many things. And I sort wish that all those people who told me that life gets more stressful as you grow up because of family, kids, jobs, were more true. Because those are life. And so are the issues but they're distant. They make me passionate, but they don't make me alive. I'm not saying that I don't want to know or learn about the issues, I just wish I wasn't so angry and distant, so frustrated and "enlightened." I guess it's the difference between knowledge and wisdom. I feel like I'm jam packed with knowledge, but I have very little wisdom.
Anyways, the moment was nice. I felt alive. I didn't feel scared, or stupid, or concerned about making everyone else in the world comfortable. I just felt like it was a moment I'll remember for awhile.
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